Let me first state that I think I may live another long while - based on my improving feelings of health! Still working on stamina but the dizziness has really improved. However, today I am off to the undertakers. I have decided to finalize my arrangements while I am not emotional about my health. As a single woman I don’t want this to fall on the shoulders of my children. So off I go for eleven. I want my body donated to science (if they want it) as I have had a rare cancer plus other weird illnesses along the way. They might discover a thing or two for the benefit of others. Then my remains will be cremated to rest with my mother and father in the United Church Cemetary in Marysville, New Brunswick. This is where many of my mother’s relatives are buried and frankly, Mom and Dad bought an extra plot for me as I am single.

It makes sense to just get this out of the way while of sound mind and body. I have had my will and my Power of Attorney, Advanced Directive (Living Will) and No Code status in place for some time now. That’s the nurse in me. But I think everybody should manage these aspects as families can be torn apart with conflicting views over how to handle a loved ones illness (ie let her/him die as nature would dictate or use extreme measures such as tube feeding etc to keep alive). I told Older Son yesterday that I think I will be around for some time yet and he said, “That’s good to hear Mom as we sure all need you.”

Daughter started back to work this morning. Bet that was a busy household today. Can’t wait to see Younger Son who is home in ten days or so. Love Barbara (See my website here.)

I am an active dreamer although I don’t record my dreams as some do. In light of the financial problems facing the markets etc, I thought I would share something I dreamed two months ago - about a CEO I know. In the dream (I can’t remember the particulars) there was a warning about money involving this individual. I took the dream seriously enough that I actually wrote to him. I told him I wouldn’t necessarily contact him about a dream but the warning was so strong for him to be careful. Obviously any CEO will be watching the bottom line very carefully in this financial market! I have had other things in dreams come true. So I know it can happen. I don’t understand it. I can’t explain it. And I don’t claim to be clairvoyant or a psychic. I merely dream things sometimes that seem to be connected to the future - when looking back. I expect we all do this but most are unaware. It’s that reality and illusion business. :>)

I am happy to say that I DID get out for my walk last evening and met relatives of my son n law that just moved in to a town house. Come to find out we are back yard neighbours. So we walked together last evening. They lost their daugther to a car accident a year ago. Very sad.

Having a visit with Older Son today. I am driving for 25 minutes to see how I do. I will leave my car at a gas station and he will pick me up. I am anxious to see the updates to his log cabin. Just spoke with Younger Son who is coming through with Mandy on their way from Newfoundland to Alberta - approx 17th-20th. Daughter starts back to work Monday with Canada Post after more than a year off. The children have been with the sitter (the 3 1/2 year old has been telling me all about it) and doing well. Love Barbara (See my website here.)

Update: October 5, 7:21PM Got some neat shots of Older Son’s One Star COMFORT FACILITY

Look below at colour through window.

Living Room is ready as we wait arrival of Younger Son.

So GORGEOUS today. He also took me all through the mining area. More on that later. Maid Marion is on the move.

As long as I can remember there have been plenty of cats at the cottage. The farmer always encouraged them for catching mice in the barns. I cooked salmon one night on the barbecue and they got a whiff. Here are a few of the cats - photo by Pamela during one of her runs to the cottage while I have been under the “no driving” order. (I expect to get my wheels back on October 14th). My Maggie Cat didn’t know what to think of all this. I fed them of course - as most of us do in the summer community. The farmer will be good to them over the winter though. They are not ferel cats really although certainly not house cats or pets. One did rub up against my leg though and purred like crazy. I have always loved cats and throughout my lifetime have had a lot of strays that I took in.

Never did get on that walk yesterday. I did groceries instead. Today I walk. Or I will completely seize up! The best thing for fibromyalgia is to keep going. Seasonal changes always come with extra pain though. Ah well. What is pain anyway? Just an illusion? Check out “Why Cats Purr.” Love Barbara (See my website here. Website changes will be coming over the next ten days.)

This is a photo that Pamela caught of me while at the cottage. We will use it on my main website.

I could not get to sleep until after three last night. Sometimes it just hits like that - this is when I wonder how in the world I would ever be able to work again at anything that was “scheduled”. I had a lot of pain in the scar line … maybe all the rain made it worse. It is eleven and I am just getting my head around this day. I am going to have my coffee, wash my face, put on my sweat pants and get out the door for a walk. I have not walked since I have been at the cottage. That’s the difference for me - I couldn’t WAIT to get out the door for my walk at the cottage. Interesting eh? I see the doctor on the 14th. I do hope to get started in a rehab program soon!

I dreamed early this morning, just before waking, that I was with a dietician who told me I ate too much salt. I don’t actually use salt very much in waking life. However, last evening I had some microwave popcorn that may have had some salt in it. Interesting eh? If my dream was my body’s way of saying “too much salt” then maybe some swelling in my tissues from salt retention caused my pain. I do have some swelling in my hands today. Gotta love this journey! Love Barbara (See my website here.)

Update: Just checked the Orville Redenbacher’s Smart Pop! 0 Trans Fat. It has 230 mg sodium in half a bag. I had a full bag. Ooops. No more of that stuff for me I guess.

I’m guilty. Yesterday I took a shortcut when posting on my blog. This shortcut created a dark background that I could not fix. It made it hard for one of my visitors to read it (try almost impossible to read). She wrote to me about it which surprised me. I knew I had a following of readers but I never thought about disappointing somebody relating to my blog. Read her comment. My web helper bailed me out of the situation today, fixing the site I had messed up.
Don’t we all love a shortcut sometimes? Convenience. Shaving time. It’s not always a “bad” thing. In my case yesterday, though, I was asking for trouble. I think of the mess the USA is in right now with the shortcuts taken financially - and the consequences all of us will feel. The 700 billion bailout. In that case the bailout may only be a bandaid. The wounded economy may still suffer - the wound being caused by poor decisions and greed.

There has been no shortcut to my healing from surgery this time round. Time has been needed. I got dressed up yesterday and went to a one-on-one meeting - a first for me in years. My clothes are tight. There is no shortcut to what I have to do now to lose the weight gained during recouperation. Groan.
One great thing that came out of yesterday’s comment about my blog is that I visited my reader’s website. Her whimsical paintings are wonderful. Take a look … and thank you Joyce. Lesson learned. Love Barbara (See my website here.)

Pamela informed me yesterday that the New Brunswick Provincial Archives has wonderful plans for the dedication of my music teacher’s journal: European Trip (1913-1914) by Anna May McAdam (Mrs. Lister). It so happens that we are dedicating this during Women in History Month. Serendipity or what! We hired a web fellow who is upgrading the website. Pamela has scanned the diary and it will be available online in PDF file. We will also have excerpts from Soul Gifts: The World’s Self-Help Book that show Mrs. Lister’s impact on my life and the way we are all connected. In addition Pamela is arranging to have copies of her letters uploaded to the website. Readers who are local - please join us on the 15th of October. Love Barbara (See my website here.)

From my balcony this morning. Maggie Cat is cleaning herself. As usual. It is wet outside but I heard nothing last night. Kyle was downgraded to a sub-tropical storm by the time it hit us and Nova Scotia. While the storm was arriving in the Maritimes I met Elijah (by phone) - the young man Pamela found to handle my web site. He will be making upgrades right away. We hope to have most of stage one done by the time European Diary is dedicated to the provincial archives (October 15). I will have prints available for sale from my art exhibit online too (October 16). Pamela sure has been busy. We didn’t intend to have these events back-to-back but that’s the way it has evolved. Pamela officially starts with me soon as General Manager of my firm. My company has been inactive for the seven years I dealt with cancer, recovery, Mom’s illness and my bedside nursing BUT I kept “paying it forward” - it now owes me money :>).

My friend Alice is running for the NDP. I vote Liberal but she has asked me to go to a church luncheon in Stanley maybe on Friday. I will take the opportunity to go and drop in on my colleagues at the Villa. We will see if her plans change as they often do in campaigns.

I am starting to feel consistantly better. I feel tenuous yet, a concern that the dizziness and balance issues will come sailing back, so I try to not overdo it. Slow and steady is the course. (which is completely unlike me .) Love Barbara (See my website here.)

Typical sunset where I vacationed at the summer cottage.

The family gathered on Labour Day (September 1) for a corn boil. It was cool but we sat on the beach regardless. Mom always enjoyed family getherings at the cottage. She would be happy to know it still continues on. (There were twenty for supper. My sisters worked the kitchen. The men handled the barbecue and corn. I provided the entertainment: the grandchildren)
And a little one-on-one time with my grandaughter - named after my mom (born on Mom’s birthday a month after she died in May 2007)

If you look closely down the beach you will see my entertainment for two days. Family of three.

There is also a pond. If you look to left of centre (where I also sit politically) you will find Blue Heron. Look for the long neck. He never would let me get close. Here he is taking off - below.

And below you will see a typical sunrise. Sunrises always come. I am an early riser and often up to see them. When I was younger I would go for my early morning walk and only one other would be out in our cottage community. An Irishman. A Flanagan. Gotta love it.

Giving way to light

So this is where I healed up for a month. Isn’t it beautiful? We have been in the cove for as long as I have been living. Love Barbara (See my website here.)

I heard from a friend last evening that Hurricane Kyle is stronger than I realized. He is part of the EMO group near Saint John, New Brunswick and is preparing for heavy weather.

I did not go to the event for Linda Dashwood yesterday due to the driving - rainy roads. I don’t have permission yet to drive long distances and it is twenty minutes from here. (I definitely have felt reclusive the past few months.) The event would have been a few hours long so I wanted to be able to come and go of my own accord. I learned from the Liberal dinner the other night that three hours was plenty tiring for me. I was aware of yesterday’s gathering though; it was with me all day in thought. Then last night I had a dream about a rose. The yellow rose - like a wild rose - was filling the space. It was lush, vibrant, fragrant and in full blossom with exquisite, velvety petals. Deep within the folds - at it’s centre - was a figure I could not make out. I woke making an association to Linda.

Well I think I will make some low-calorie muffins. I haven’t done much in the baking department since last December! New Brunswick could be in for power outages I expect. And lots of rain. I have been contacted by somebody I met at a writer’s conference in the 80’s. How delightful. Love Barbara (See my website here)

Pamela has been busy. I thought I would give my readers a sneak preview of the media release that will be going out in early October. The caption as titled for this post was written to attract the right editors etc. I have 28 paintings, some very large and some very small, that will be exhibited. Others already have found their homes. Enjoy! Love Barbara (See my website here.)

Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada (PRWeb) – October 8, 2008

The Colour of Reckoning, the healing art of a woman’s journey, will be exhibited by artist Barbara J. Gill, October 16 – November 14, 2008. Gill said, “My artwork is inspired by nature and the human condition. Artistic expression deals with my spiritual, emotional and physical reckoning.”

The story behind The Colour of Reckoning begins with a litany of pain-related diagnoses’ that have plagued Gill since her early twenties, namely; erythema nodosum, sarcoidosis, fibromyalgia, migranes, sinus infections and frequent periods of insomnia. At the age of forty-three she skidded into burn out and depression.This forced her to question her chronic pain. Seven years later, and just seven weeks after a partial hysterectomy, she was diagnosed with liposarcoma of the leg - a rare form of cancer. In 2008 she underwent a second surgery for a recurrent liposarcoma.

When Gill’s first cancer surfaced the relationship between liposarcoma and Agent Orange contamination was unknown to her. She said, “I cannot explain it but I had visualized the foot-long tumor in my right thigh as orange.” This visualization story is outlined in Gill’s book Soul Gifts: The World’s Self-Help Book.

The exhibition will be dedicated to the memory of Canadian soldier Jim Cadger (1944-2008) who educated Gill about the link between dioxins and disease. Cadger pointed out to her the likelihood that her weakened immune system could be linked to dioxin exposure. Gill vacationed as a child in the area of CFB (Canadian Forces Base) Gagetown.

“As a registered nurse I have seen both sides of pain,” said Gill. “I have always believed in the adage of mind over matter. Creative expression can help people manage their lives, transcend pain and feel happy.”

Gill will donate part of the exhibition proceeds to the oncology unit of the Dr. Everett Chalmers Hospital and the Agent Orange Association of Canada whose purpose is to expose the impact of chemicals on human health, the environment and wildlife. The public is invited to meet the artist at a reception October 16, 6:00 pm at Viktor’s Blue Rose Salon and Boutique, 604 Main Street, Woodstock, NB, Canada. For more information call 506-324-9288. The exhibition will also be launched virtually at http://www.shandarrah.com/

Contact

Artist:

Barbara J. Gill

bjgill@nb.sympatico.ca

Boutique Manager:

Gerald B. MacPherson

506-324-9288