It registered 35 Celcius today … but the grandchildren, my daughter and son ‘n law spent the day on one of the local beaches. Lovely ! That salt water felt soooooo good. And the jelly fish are gone. Barbara

I departed the family cottage early.  A week early! I was happy and content then all of a sudden I wasn’t.  I could not think straight.  My back was improving but still bothersome. (From moving too much stuff INTO the cottage). I could not get my proper rest. Here’s what I figured out.  I could not handle the massive energies of the three little ones, 24/7 and in a confined space. Other grandmothers tell me this is natural.

I said to my family this week - “I don’t seem to miss Fredericton!” (relating to my move to Moncton in June to be near the grandchildren) and one of my children replied, “Well you had fifty-nine years there. Maybe that was enough.” The same may hold true for the cottage.  We are evolving as a family.  My children, my nieces and nephews are all now the age when my sisters and I shared the raising of our children at the cottage every summer. It is now time to give way to the young - during the bright days of summer.  I am sure I will be a guest of my children and grandchildren from time to time (short visits) and maybe I will enjoy it with a friend or two from time to time.  It’s all good.

Last summer I had said adieu to all my favourite spots at the cottage. I did this in a private, ceremonial way. So this has been coming, hasn’t it?  This letting go !  I have become accustomed to quietness and order but enjoy the company of people. My move to Moncton gives me the best of both. Today I am in my home with piano music filling the rooms with gorgeous melodies,  I have meditated and I am thoroughly relaxed.  I will see the children in a week and in the meantime neighbours and friends are not far away.

Last evening I was reminded by one friend that I often say, “It is what it is.”  Whether life is reality or dream - depending on your point of view - I guess that would just about be correct !

All is well.  Love Barbara (Oh and PS - I witnessed the baby take those first tentative crawls - on the bed - towards me. He managed to get up on all fours and moved three times forward. So Cute.)

The lovely thing about a family cottage that has been around for six decades is that when family gathers here it is like coming home.  Photo of mom in her bathing suit on the float with her sister. Pics of children.  Now three of my grandchildren splash in the water and sit around the bonfires.  And life goes on.

I hurt my back bringing things into the cottage over the weekend so have had to rest (a very hard thing to do at the cottage ha !!).  The water heals my body quickly so I enjoyed time yesterday floating along. We have a decomposition of plant life along the shore line that looks like oil/gas. It is more preveland due to the heat this year (global warming?) so tells me the Dept of Environment. And the brownish shimmering matter is not petrolium as we feared but magnesium.  So I have rubbed some of it into my feet and hands.  No odour.  Just a coppery slimy substance. There is always a little in the corner but there has been a lot this year. I always thought it was from the boaters’ gas.

My son heads back to Newfoundland on his motorcycle today. We will miss him and will pray for his safety. Stories of great abundance have evolved lately. Private but I have seen evolvement. Interesting!  My abundance at the moment is centred around these dear little ones surrounding me.

Love Barbara

I don’t remember being this joyous for a long time. This move has been right for me. I am reconnecting with old friends, have decided to learn the French language (will be good for my brain), am surrounded by lovely neighbours and all kinds of children.  I feel part of a huge extended family by being close to my grandchildren and neighbours/landlords that include me.  Of course we all ARE extended family.  It is the premise for my site — We are one.  But I am really FEELING it.

This week I get to put my feet up at the family cottage. I am ready as it has been taxing to get the house in order here. But oh my - aren’t we lucky to know the love of good friends and family! How blessed we are.  I am keeping this blog and my accompanying website open as I don’t seem to have a choice - the readership is still there. World wide. It quite amazes me. 

 I feel all things spiritual filling my life again - I am becoming replenished in Spirit and while my body aches (the fibromyalgia and cancer scar are hurtful by times) it is so much easier to let the pain float away.  I rest and I garden. I rest and I visit with grandchildren. I rest and I reflect.  It is difficult to live the dream when we become distracted (and if life is but a dream then the pain is not real of course). 

The dream is good.  Very healthy!

Speaking of “dreams”  I dreamed of a huge turtle with circles on its back - coming towards me.  And a huge snake -winding its way from me. A powerful dream that left me full of anticipation for more dreaming. More living. Livng the dream.  Dreaming the life.  Love  Barbara

I have planted some perennials so we can enjoy the growth next spring. I have connected with old friends that are here in Moncton and am trying to keep up to family and old friends back in my home town.  In the meantime Daughter and I are managing to get the house pulled together here.  (I rock Malcolm while she does this or that).  I much prefer this environment to the condo. I walked out the back or front door and hit the ground.  It feels homey to me. The grandchildren are so delightful. They play me out I have to admit. I was sacked out on couch Saturday afternoon when my five year old was visiting.  He told his mother I was quite boring that day.  But he asked me to go for a walk so that has to be worked in this week. I told them no overnights until Friday though as I need some catch-up rest time.

I find I am smiling a great deal lately ! Even laughing !  Love Barbara

I have no time to connect with all my friends at the moment and know several check here - so this is the latest. (I will be in touch soon).

I fixed up my front stoop with red geraniums and french tarragon as I love that tarragon,  a welcome mat, a white-lit tree, a table and two chairs. It’s homey and I sat there this morning reading my paper while the rain gently fell. Is there anything better. Waving to neighbours on their way to work etc. This community is full of young energy. Vibrant with children and adults who are procreating !  It’s wonderful. Few oldies like me around. Ha.

I will probably use the front stoop more than the patio.

We await the landscapers as they can’t do much with the ground wet. The fence is ready for boarding in.

Barbara

As I get settled in I am mindful of how fortunate I am to have the little ones. I witnessed the baby roll over for his first time yesterday and he nuzzles into my chest now. Bonding big time. He falls asleep in my arms when he is ready for his naps. The oldest (5) told me I was the best grammie ever as we had breakfast at the market and the little girl (3) is such a bubble of energy.  Blond and blue eyed.  I find I am teaching them things about life.

I bought flowering trees and flowering shrubs for the property here.  The landscapers are putting it all in for me. I hope to be here awhile and have landlords/neighbours who are just lovely. The children are all playing together.

And I am really enjoying my air conditioning. Love Barbara

I have truly landed now in Moncton.  The house I am renting is more or less organized. I am glad I have rented and will confirm the lease for two years. No television or stereo or computer yet but that will come in time. The fencing starts this week. The sod then goes down. I won’t get much gardening done this summer but I will make sure I have a few posies.

Maggie Cat’s remains are ready. I saw a bubble in the bedding one day and thought, “OH - that is Maggie Cat” as she used to crawl under the covers. And I still “hear” her asking for a meal but most of the time I am ok with it all.

Daughter, the grandchildren and I spent nine days at the cottage after my initial move - it was busy but lovely to just decompress. A lovely woman helped organize and clean my home (semi-detatched and new so lots of dusty stuff) while away. I was beat and it was wonderful to have her help me. I met her on the walking trail, no less!

Life is going to be good for me here. I can feel it. Love Barbara

Dear Readers,

During the moving process to Moncton I noticed Maggie Cat’s belly was swelling. I left her Sunday night in Daughter’s care as I had to go to Fredericton to finalize the move. My five-year old grandson went with me and kept me company all day yesterday. Maggie Cat worsened during the overnight and by yesterday afternoon Daughter took her to the vet.  She was diagnosed with tumors and swelling due to body fluids leaking into her abdominal sac. Daughter was told Maggie Cat would only have a few days to live.   She slept by my head last night - where she usually has arrived every night after I turn off the lights (but not until). We had a great sleep, cuddled close together.

I took her to the vet this morning, after she had a good meal, some loving good-byes from the children and lots of loving from me.  I felt no raw emotion. (The nurse in me kicked in I think. ) She was purring and content throughout the morning.  Daughter told me it [the emotion] would hit later. And it did. In the doctor’s office I started to weep for this dear cat who was down to 7.3 pounds -  approximately half of that weight being from the accumulated fluid. But she had spirit right up until the end. Her last food was cheese. She loved cheese. She just laid her sweet head down around ten this morning. She did not protest any step along the way. It was a beautiful morning with a lovely breeze and sunshine. I told her it was a good day to die.

Last evening I asked my faithful companion of nineteen years to visit me in my dreams after she passed over. I told her to enjoy her life on the other side and named my other cats already there. I asked her to visit with them. While I have always been a fan of cats I never had one with me as long as Maggie Cat. I told her I loved her with all my heart. And I said good-by to her until my time comes to join her in the hereafter.

Maggie Cat was the runt of her litter. She didn’t start growing until she was about eight or nine months of age. But she ended up a beautiful, long-bodied cat who was affectionate and loyal. I will miss her. Her passing was very peaceful. We will have a prayer for her at dinner with the children and when we receive her cremated remains our family will have a funeral service for her. My grandson played her a farewell song today on his little electronic piano. It is his idea that we need to have a funeral.

And today - in a few hours - my movers arrive. Maggie saw me through to the end. Making this big transition in my life a little easier. I have three grandchildren to cuddle up to now. And life begins again as I let go of the old.  I will miss my Maggie Cat. She is immortalized in Soul Gifts: The World’s Self-Help Book.

Thank you Maggie Cat - Love Mommy  (Previous Posts Regarding Maggie Cat’s Journey 2010 - click on the category Maggie Cat )

P.S. at 3:40 PM — Waiting to get into the house I will be “borrowing” - to put it in my grandson’s terms. (I am renting until we know what we are doing as a family). I am a bit emotional about Maggie Cat. I can’t believe she is gone. A friend believes she will journey with me in Spirit. I believe she will too.

P.P.S. The movers and closing of the house finally arrived by five today and so I got them started, gave them the key and said “see you tomorrow”. I had a melt down this afternoon. In my grandaughter’s enthusiasm to see me late this aft she ploughed me a good one directly on the bridge of my nose. It hurt like all get out. I then went to my room and bawled my eyes out. So it’s relaxation time with the children this evening. And no Maggie Cat by my head. I don’t think I will like that very much.

I move in five more sleeps. Sacking out with the children at present as whew - the packing process was a process of many weeks - handing off things to others etc.   My drapery rods and drapes go up on the weekend in Moncton and the movers arrive Monday.  I am already decorating in my head.

Friends are already planning visits with me in Moncton. Probably enjoy more quality time with them now that I will not be as close. 

I have had high readership on my blog and site this past week from various points in the world. What am I to do? I guess I will keep it open to viewing /reading and just not work on it. Then see where things go.  I need a rest from it and also want one-on-one and face-to-face conversations etc. Not just digitally!

One thing I have decided - I am not going to be alone. I have been single for twenty years and my children left the nest years ago. I have enjoyed times of solitude over the past two decades as I was busy as a working woman. And I will always need a certain amount of space. But I am done with so much solitary time. The grandchildren will make sure I am not far out of sight I think.  They make me laugh a great deal. 

Love Barbara xo

ell just when I am ready