Sunday evening at eight and the day is ending. I am reflecting on the past seven weeks with family and friends. A year ago I knew I needed more socialization. Relaxation. As little stress as possible. If I was to enjoy a modicum of good health.

This retreat I took from my daily life is the first time I have ever really done this for such a long time. It has helped me turn my thoughts about my eventual dying to real living.  I have to say that my last illness did a number on my spirit. I now feel I have years ahead. I didn’t believe that before this retreat. I am living in the now … living for the simple pleasures.  And the sweetness of good company.  Easter with the grandchildren.  Those kinds of things.  I don’t seem to have any more work-type aspirations or a desire to meet a goal anymore. No desire to make my mark … I was driven to “do” so much of my life. I will meander more, continuing with art classes on Tuesday evening. Dabbling in more watercolour …..

As I get back into the “groooooooooove” of my life I am also reflecting on the Law of Attraction and the word “pivot”. I had an occasion yesterday that brought out that puckering taste of resentment. Oops. Where did that come from!?  I concentrated on the word “pivot”.  Pivoting my thoughts.  I DID pivot and felt much more joyful by the end of the day. It is so easy and often a matter of SELF forgiveness when resentment knocks at our door.

This week the Blue Cross file goes to my lawyer.  I don’t want to deal with the case workers etc anymore. That gives me high blood pressure.  I will pay my property taxes ugh and get my personal income tax file in order.

I am listening to “Raising Sand” with Alison Krauss and Robert Plant.  Love it. (2009 Grammy Award)

I may let my website go.  All of it. A friend suggests I maintain the presence as there are a lot of people still reading … she suggests I simply not work on it. I am thinking about all this as I grow more fully into retirement and my elder status. I turn 59 this week.  Wow. I have to tell you that I have the sweetest three grandchildren. My oh my.

Love Barbara (aka Groooooooving Grandma Barb)

A special gift for my arrival home is that Maggie Cat is back with me.  While she remains frail she has a lot of spunk and is happy.  She sets a good example !! This is amazing considering I thought I was taking her to be “put down” just a few months ago (see February  2010 posts).  There is a neat song on the Alison Krauss / Robert Plant CD you can find on U tube here > Your Long Journey.  Very touching. Love Barbara

We often don’t know when a life-change is about to happen. Maybe there are little signals we ignore or maybe we are subconsciously attracting a major change.  Whatever the reasons, when it arrives we will know it is here.

I decided (after huge amounts of waffling) to put my condo on the market in late February. It is a beautiful condo and I have healed here.  I spent time with family and friends this winter and waited to see if the condo would sell. Lo and behold - it sold.

I have become friends with a woman at the end of my corridor and we often visit in our pajamas and housecoats - yakking about life. (This reminds me of my dormitory days at 19-21 years  of age when in nurses training.) This past month Sheila nearly died from pneumonia - reminding both of us of the fragility of life - the tenuousness. (And the inevitable question was posed to her husband- should they resuscitate if she went into failure again?)

I have  been feeling a need to let go of all the public things I do - such as my website and blog. I have always shared openly about my life - to aid self-growth but also to help others.  I continue to have quite a readership on my website and blog so it is a big step to let it all disappear into the ether. But I feel a need for more privacy.  It’s all about simplifying life. I don’t feel as though I need an office anymore. Nor a desk.

I am dealing with Blue Cross insurance issues with my lawyer, the legal transaction of the move, face the packing (downsizing process), taxes et al.  And getting ready to turn the page to the next chapter.

Now here is the big life change.  My daughter suggested I move to Moncton - to be close to the little family.  So we are in search of the right accommodations.  The movers arrive June 11.  We are searching for something small, probably an apartment,  where I can putter in a flower bed, enjoy a sense of community and embrace my grandchildren daily.  Maggie Cat will be joining me. I never did euthanize her!  She is regaining her strength, is loving, affectionate and is up to her old tricks.

What can I say? This cat is a survivor.

Love Barbara (aka Grandma Barb)