Dear Readers,

I spent the weekend with my daughter and son ‘n law and the three little ones.  I witnessed Malcolm (3 months) find his fingers. We spent a lot of time practicing how to laugh together. That baby giggle is infectious. My older grandson gave me a concert. I was expecting a sweet child’s ballad but he surprised me as he stood upon the stage (a stool normally positioned for the children near the sink). Using a maraca as a microphone he belted out “HEY BABY” … in a gravelly voice. Where did he learn THAT!? He is five now. He also presented me with a drawing of the condo  … and the two of us walking and smiling toward the door of the condo. My condo window had a yellow light around it. He said the picture was to help me remember all the good things there. Then he said, “And Grandma - it’s going to even be BETTER (more fun) here.” My grandaughter and I put make-up on several times, played dolls and went for a walk. We had our baths together - scrubbing each other down.  She is something else. A chip off her grandma’s block !!

I  negotiated a rent in a brand new little house five doors from my daughter’s … it is only about 1100 square feet - all I need. We will see what a year brings. I may buy it then.  This is a good interim measure.

Now about my website and blog.  I will take some time to have it digitally saved for posterity and we will keep it up until August - at which point we will put it on hold or let it go.

There’s change afoot.  I asked a friend why I felt so ambiguous about the Shandarrah writing etc.  And she captured it well for me. She told me that the process had been about my identifying who I really am.  Readers haven’t seen much of that writing.

I miss daily/weekly direct contact with my family. I don’t want to be alone anymore - I have had plenty of that over the years and managed well - even enjoyed it by times, learning to be ok with just me, myself and I. During two cancers this past decade I also had to spend a lot of time alone. But I have to tell you that having the children  close will make me very happy. I am  lucky to have a good relationship with my daughter and son ‘n law. How blessed am I !!

NOW - to get into training. I need to be able to keep up with the wee ones !!! They run circles around me.

Love Barbara  (Mama - I am thinking of you in the Ever After.)

am going through all sorts of feelings. Grief over leaving my beautiful city of Fredericton where I know so many crooks and crannies like the back of my hand. 59 years here.  I am downright scared. But I think Melody Beattie says to feel the fear then do it anyway.  Fredericton is where I will be cremated and buried in due time along with my parents as mom was sure I would need to be with them. Comical really. Fredericton is where my feet have walked the streets to schools, where I have written extensively and where I have loved and lost, loved and lived.  It’s only 1 1/2 hours away to Moncton but it seems miles away from where I bore my children. And yet the draw of my daughter’s family is a big one for me.  The energy of the little ones is contagious and infectious. And fun! As one friend put it …”I will be getting big daily doses of giggles and hugs and one on one with the little ones”  I am not setting up an office in the little room with bay windows in the front. My desk is going into storage. I will leave Fredericton with about a dozen favourite books. That is it. The rest are for donation. So this room will be a conservatory … for painting and reading and maybe for performances by the children. I shall put Beethoven in this room.

It’s very cute. Small but doable.  I can sleep at my daughter’s if friends which to visit. She will, after all, be only five doors away !  Barbara xo

Love Barbara

I was telling a friend that I feel guilty for wanting to capture some of the energy from my grandchildren. She reminded me that they have scads of it and I don’t have to feel guilty for this. The neighbourhood I am moving to in Moncton is new. It has a mixture of young and not so young. There will be a lot of children, including my three little grandchildren. My energy seems depleted compared to just two years ago so I can’t help but look forward to the energy level that little ones bring.  My grandson said, “Grandma - you can make cookies for us.”  I think I might get those tubs of dough rather than starting from scratch. Ha ! This computer I have been working on for a few years now is going to my daughter’s. I have a little emachine which is all I will need for the next while I think. I may use the laptop a bit too but ah - I am simplifying. Gone - speakers and surround sound and and and … simplify simplify.  Love Barbara

Love Barbara

So the little house I was to live in - in Moncton - well it didn’t work out. It’s a long story but let’s just say  I didn’t want to get caught in the middle of a scenario. So my daughter and I did a tour of six more places. Life is always an adventure and, like most of my life, things tumble into place somehow. The day I knew there was a problem with the little house a couple listed a semi detatched for rent. It is new and closes June 15 as does my condo sale.  I am heading into a three-bedroom, 1 and 1/2 bath home  (so much for downsizing).  I have had input on window blind colours and appliances.  I will have owners living next to me which is a secure feeling. It’s an end-to-end unit so our front doors aren’t visible to each other.  It is a less than fifteen minute walk to my daughter’s on the trail system. Lovely really. The kids are excited.

I have been punky for the past day or so. I thought just overtired but perhaps a touch of flu I am guessing.  So in this state I sacked out on couch last eve and watched the review and conclusion of LOST. I loved the ending …  I didn’t expect a “satisfactory” ending - more of an ending that left the viewer really wondering. But this ending was clear enough. Everybody was dead and close to the light. I loved it !!!

I am happy about my move. I know this is the right thing to do. I love being around the little ones and a dear old friend and I have already connected by phone. We are going to be geographically close and how lovely for both of us. We are excited.

The day of my move I am going to ask my web helper to put my website and all on hold. I will wait one year to see if I want to do anymore with it. So we will see what transpires.

A new chapter in life is about to begin.  Love Barbara